Friday, November 18, 2011

My little terrorist

Here it is, me first formal introductory of my little spawn to the world of blogosphere. She's my little angel.

At times, she's also my little 'terrorist', that little rascal of mine.

But, she remains all the everything.

You probably think, 'Ah, so what'. And yes, I've never been this soppy. BUT I am convert to all melancholies self that of a mother to child; full of love, hope and desire to give her the best I could when I become a mom last 20th June 2009.

Yes, I am soppy because I am a mom. This little terrorist of mine is my first. And just like all first time mothers, you know how it's like to be one - the roller-coaster feelings during that whole 9 months, the labor pains (yes it's beyond scary) and the magical moments following that birth.

Yes, I am soppy because for the first time during whole year of study solitude, I have met the meaning of my life.

It is now not just about me anymore, not about what I used to dream to be, it is not about journo-adrenaline rush world that I have come to love. For now, my life - the future of it will always concern this little terrorist (and who knows, many more rascals?). Spawning life, creating more muslim ummah.

The sacrifices that I have made so far, is nothing to what is installed for me in the future.

I left a job for pursuing a dream. I moaned about coming back to that job once. I went back. But one thing kept pushing me out from that selfishness to be what i enjoy to be - this little terrorist of mine.

I whine at the times I have to sacrifice my time for her, to leave my study desk for her, upset to not be able to go to the library because no one could babysit but me.

BUT once I am doing all those things, I feel relieved... Am glad i am there for her. Am ecstatic to see her daily progress of growth. The little sentences she make with her little mouth.

Motherhood is a roller-coaster, it's all intense feelings mixed to one. You could be angry and then civil the next. BUT nothing, above all beats the feelings when my little terrorist would suddenly come to me in the midst of nothing, without any warning, and give her mommy a big fat hug and warm kisses while saying "Sayang Mami".

That it is only words. But it is so strong of a word it jolts me back to reality that I need not be languish and persevere for whatever obstacles that may come in the future. I need to be strong for her. I need to be that super mom for my little terrorist.

Yes I am soppy, but you will be one too if you've become a mother enduring 11 hours of labor pains, with tormenting post-natal experiences and now you see your bundle of joy, the apple of your eyes grow in front of you without missing any huge details in that first 2 years of her life is - super bliss.

No regrets.

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