Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I was a poet once...LOL!

OK. I am happy to consider myself a 'neither here nor there' type when it comes to my English proficiency. Of course, this degradation is only recent. Um, OK who am I kidding. I guess my English's deteriorated since I started my uni years and just gotten even worse when I embarked my journey as an employee.

BUT circa Sri Amanian years - I was pretty skillful. (Patting myself on the back now)

NO make that, awesome. LOL! (so, suka ati lah kalau mak perasan this is my blog afterall).Yes, I was in the English Club (yeah, shocker huh?), even entered an inter-class debate competition (double shocker?) - i mean, i love the language but i love any languages that is anyways. Unfortunately way back then, there was no other languages club in my school except English and Malay. I joined the school's Choral speaking. (OK that don't really count as my line was only to "burp" and said "oh and my tummy to fill" LOL) [such irony about me tummy since i am known back then to always skip classes because of gastric pains]

My major exams' result (of course the English language, 1119 to be exact) was a testament to my proficiency of this language.

Hence, i got myself placed in IIUM for a Bachelor in English Literature right after high school despite me applications to this one uni wanting to do totally different courses.

IIUM. It was historic. Not only because I was the first in my family to ever got enrolled for a uni different than the most popular uni amongst Malays. But the course was equally historic too. It was English Literature. Reckoned to be more grandeur than the overrated English TESL (teaching English for second language) course. My uncle said I could be an English lecturers/teachers/tutors which he foresees (then ) would be in demand or at least would be very useful for me once i graduate (now).

Also, that year (2000) marked another history in my life - I started to learned to wear hijab. OK. Because I had to as it was requirement of the uni (it was an International Islamic Uni M'sia anyways)

BUT, the smiles i put on my parents' face didn't last . I was a quitter. BUT i quit not because of the English course, but more of the requirement of me to pass the Arabic language subject if i ever want to graduate. This was the reason. Although not 200% but it was a major factor of me wanting to change uni because of my fear for failing Arabic courses.

Heck, I ain't ashamed to say that I read "asam" (as in Jawi reading) when i was supposed to be reading "Ismi" (as in Arabic for - name) when i saw the Arabic alphabets of "Alif", "Sin" and "Mim".

YES, i was that retarded. I can't read shit. When all the "baris" (the lines - the indicators of the Arabic alphabets are taken away, I turned pale and couldn't make the words) I was a dumbo.

BUT oh boy, how in love i was for the "ustaz" (Arabic for the male teacher). He was my only motivation to go to class every morning (yes lame and very teenager-ish). Heck, i even enrolled for extra-classes just to drool when he teaches (LOL, sorry hub).

**************shrieks*********** off-topics now. LOL. terbabas mak. mahap, gostan jap.

ANYWAYSSSSSSSS, my point being that i find it is true when they say that we tend to be a wee bit more creative when our hearts are troubled/sad/depressed...creative in the sense that we may poured that wrenching emotions into words like a song/poetry even diary entry ok not something 'creatively' suicidal.

I mean look at all the great artists (musically) that ever lived - Kurt Cobain was at the peak of his success when his life was all shitty, so was Amy Winehouse's rise to fame with her emotional driven lyrics after a devastating break-ups.

AND i find myself no different than those artist. (OK mak perasan sat)

TAPI tang ini memang aku perasan sejak kecik, sebab masa kecik-kecik aku selalu bergaduh dengan kakak (teh) aku - kami macam anjing dengan kucing - and the not so syiok part was, everytime we had a brawl with each other, she always got mom's side although i am younger than her (mak bagi aku masa tu suka side dia..LOL) so, pergilah beta tuan puteri membawa diri, menjeruk perasaan yang sodih dalam bilik sensorang - dan aku akan suka karang-karang lagu lah, tulis diari lah etc. (LOL)

but this self-soothing method of mine, of course didn't make it to any pop charts/publishers etc. (walaupun aku ada berhajat adoiyai sekali lagi mak perasan jah, sorry).

SOOOOOOO apa-apapun, korek2 benda lama aku tgk hokehlahhh, not bad what i wrote before in my life eyh - poem syok sendiri

dan yang ni plak version haiku 5 baris tak berapa nak jadi :))

***slapppppppppppppppppp* ** ok nak cabut sambung baca journal...benda ni memang syioks sendiri.

PS: oh nota kaki, hari ini genap 3 hari ayahanda beta dimasukkan ke HKL of what seems to be a minor hand surgery removing an infected insect bites but since he was diabetic, the healing process seems to be longer than expected (1 day). Now he will only be released if the wounds will be completely dried. Semoga Allah sembuhkan ayahanda ku dan ampun dosa-dosanya. sobssss...

i, as well as all my family members are so not used with him getting sick, let alone being hospitalized like this (this would be his second time) because he is that super-healthy dad image, always there caring for my mom the hospital-is-my-second-home image (yes, mom always been the frequent visitor /residents in hospitals) - it is so different at my parents' home without his jovial acts - menyakat anak aku , anak aku pun macam rasa lain Atuk takde - asyik cari-cari mana Atuk kat rumah :((

Ayah, an sayang ayah just so you know in case you don't. (am all teary eyes now...gotta go)

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