Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Of 1430 hijri and 2009


1. It's officially a new year today. and in exactly 2 months and 9 days from now i'll be 27 years old and soon to be a mother! yes, that's the update i've been procrastinating to write about. You see all of my previous posts i raved about the protruding tummy i thought i garnered out of eating excessively..BUT instead it turned out to be a featus that's soon gonna pooped out from my belly in due time insyaAllah somewhere in june.

2. Now that i'm pregnant, i have a newfound respect for all mothers. including my own. i mean, i'm only 4 months preggy but already i feel terrible and horribly burden by it. not to mentioned the fear of bearing future responsibility of being a mom and yes, enduring horrific labor pain. having said that, i must count my blessings. I do not have any morning sickness right from the start till now. and hopefully never.

3. Of which is the reason why i only discovered i was pregnant after 2.5 months! because i wasn't feeling any headaches, nausea, morning sickness etc. i was pretty active basically throughout the first trimester of pregnancy. the only indications then, was my bulging belly and excessive craving for foods and napping!

4. the following fact may sound cruel. BUT i wasn't thrilled to know i was impregnated! as i religiously wrote before, i'm yet to achieve my dream, there's so many things i want to do and accomplish, one of them is definitely furthering my studies in MA and if possible PhD. getting that dream job, doing things i love most (can't reveal my wishlist here can i? it probably won't come true)

5. as such being preggy i find would only steer me away from my dreams and goals in life. the thought of having a baby before all of that, before reaching 30 was not acceptable. i actually cried my eyeballs out upon finding out the news (litterally seconds after taking the pregnancy test)

6. BUT things changed a bit and i'm grateful for it. it changed right about when i first heard my baby's heartbeat and saw the baby's image on ultrasound scanning machine. it was unbelievable. i feel sorry for my baby for not wanting him/her at first but now seeing this another soul living and enlarging in me, i'm utterly grateful for the gift from Allah. my maternal instinct starts to kick in and vow not to miss taking the awful taste of folic acid pill and other vitamins.

7. being pregnant also means that i have to kick out my favourite drink in the whole wide world: caffein! namely coffee, teh tarik, coke.

8. being pregnant i have to ditched all my heeled shoes and resort to comfy n flat ones.

9. being pregnant, i have the delights of being pampered by my beloved hubby. TQ redz1luv.

10. BUT the ultimate downside of it: I AM SO GETTING FAT AND FATTER AND FATTEST. though it's only 4 months, i can no longer fit into my favourite pants, jeans and shirts. have to resort to sweat pants oversize tops (you know not that i'm ever a fashion conscious kinda person, but the only fret i have with it, is that i need to buy new clothes!) not forgetting new lingerie lineups as well. will be bloated up soon!

11. and yes, after almost a year moving in to my hubby's house aka our house; i finally got my hands on a new reliable internet modem, that's definitely better than the previous one i had to use. as a matter of fact i'm quite surprise of the speediness it has to offer here in my housing area since it's quite remote or the way my mom would call it " tempat jin bertendang" and yes, i'm promoting that service particularly: it's called maxis broadband! it's super fast, better than streamyx (believe me i was a loyal user of tm of 6 years) way cooler than Digi and cheaper than Celcom. so folks if u haven't got any or scouting for an internet service maxis is your answer. (datuk ananda krishnan ought to pay some for promoting his stuff)

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Finding that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

It has been awhile since my last update and my blog here's been collecting dust eversince. Wanted to share my Syawal stories but figured that topic is a bit outdated since it's Zulhijah now, a month of Hajj.

Too many things have happpened in the last few weeks especially in the politics world be it in Malaysia or America. And I reckon many more exciting things will take place in due time. I've always wanted to share my thoughts but never did manage to do so because the internet connection that hubby's subscribing is little less than horrible.

ANYWAYS, some of the interesting thing or at least i'd like to think it's interesting is my current determination and hubby's fuzz for exercising. I actually bought a balacing ball (spikey one) or some called it a gym ball and a matching yoga mat with a DVD on workout and trimming abs (as if) While hubby forced me to bring back from mom's two pairs of badminton racket. Now usually i wouldn't care much but i just need to at least try to lose weight now since the protruding tummy seem to be enlarging.
anyways, it takes alot of energy to inflate the gym ball and after all the hard work i force my hubby to do, i rarely use it. and now it sits fashionably on our coffee table. so much for shredding those pounds off huh?

other news: i'm still very determine to move out from kyonoterebi. so much so, i'm on a constant look out for shigoto no interviews and even jobs ads. as much as i love doing what i'm doing right now (and i believe i'm very good at my current job, my past record provetdthat) the place literally is 'burning me out'. every single aspect of it; the environment, the job task.

when i first started out the job, u know i was like any other fresh grads eager to prove i'm worth the employment. but unlike other fresh grads, i wasn't just eager and determined i really got what it takes for the challenge. i know, i may sound bragging but it's just the fact. whether i was excellent of doing so,is another issue and not for me to judge. but i was good enough i'm pretty darn sure of that.

as a fresh grads with first real job, i had to endured some scuffs. sure, everybody have a sad story to share. but i took mine, open cold and unfair as it seems to me back then, i worked my way through it. and in less than a year, i made it from lc to a better one. and good things lead to another, i was the brightest stars amongst all, so bright i rose and being made as P. and things got ugly soon afterthat.

anyways, the point i'm getting to, as much as i fret about the past i believe every single thing happened for a reason. and Allah knows what's best for us. and in my case, if i wasn't P anymore, i can never be anything else. I sure as hell can't be a R. so what i can be then? forever stuck as what i am today with no real career advancement in sight.

well that thought alone discourage my burning flame of working dilligently as i had when i first started out last 2 a none-existance flame state.

now i work for money and every morning i dreaded of going to work, but whenever i feel that way, i think of my parents and that literally does it. that thought alone can drag my arse to office.

i'm no ungrateful person. i'm grateful with every positivity and negativity aspects of my current career. it's just that, i don't think it's a crime to think and dream a better life (career) other than your current one. and that is exactly what i'm fretting about. i want more.

amidst the economic downturn, i'm fully aware it's quite difficult to find another oppurtunity. but around this time of writing, i found one. nothing grandeur, but in many ways better than what i'm having right now.

now, the rest i leave to Allah. if this one gets away, there's always another door opening for me, insyaAllah. wish me luck.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Me and Being A Whale

I was never the kind of person who's very existence cringe about being thin. I'm never self-conscious about the way I look the way I carry myself or even my health. I eat whatever i like, in whatever amount i please and never give a heck about what others would think of me. Well, 26 years and on and i'm still very much the same person except that i'm now married with a spouse that have a 180 degree conflicting personality with me and most importantly on the virtues of leading a healthy life.

Because of the increasing size of my body, those flabby fatness stuck under the belly is often misconstrued by others of a living fetus, that's enlarging and will explode in due time.

Although I kept telling the lot I'm not pregnant and the belly bump is purely of fat, they just don't buy it. I reckon because of the fact i just got married, and it's pretty much a custom or tradition of some sort that you should be impregnated by now (it's been 6 months since i tied the knot)

Talk about pressure. The more you keep denying it, another misconception occurs. The hubby or I are incompetent of doing it! or something you know...some lot even have the audacity to asked me (shockingly in a very casual way), "you do know how to do 'it' don't you?" My replied would be, hell yeah, Do you want me to show ya?

Which leads me to another breaking point that I just had to make it known to the lot (including my family) that, "No, I',m not pregnant because we're using rubber!" and that folks, definitely a mouth shutter.

Now I know how it feels like to be Datuk Siti Nurhaliza, when people kept badgering the same sensitive question. I mean people can be mean and just unbelievable. First there's the flickery exciting eyes when they popped the question and when the answer is no (though you answered them wholeheartedly with jollyness) they'd pressed on and this time around woth a sympathetic look that you're a beginner of a 69 do or any other Kamasutra style for that matter.

Hubby and I chose not to have any baby in the near future; I most certainly don't have any intention to do so either. Apart from a rocky career as reason, there's the "I'm on a quest and yet to fulfill my dream thingy" as reason.

Thus, we're very happy with the two of us and just can't help but to wonder what the heck is the trouble if we're not having a child. Is not them that have to be a whale and go through contractions and labor pain. But then again, I'm already looking like a whale now even though I'm not carrying a baby inside of me, one would wonders now how much more of a whale would i be if i am indeed pregnant? Just have to wait and see till that magic happens. I'm not at all fretting about this, it's kinda funny actually.

For now, me is doing wonderful being married. Besides waking up in the morning with another person sharing the other half of the bed, I have a buddy to nag, annoy, sulk and cuddle to whenever and will get respond immediately. Apart from the aforementioned. the rest of my routine is pretty much the same like being single. I do still wake up very late whenever possible. In fact hubby even joke to my family that until i learned to wake up early, we won't have any baby. He said, if not his baby will die of starvation because mummy is busy sleeping. FYI: i sleep like a rock. It's almost impossible to wake me even with a loud bang right at my eardrums. A trait i'm not proud of course. But just can't help it. Must have been the job i'm having right now. It's very unhealhty. (at this point of writing, the hubby is sound asleep as usual although is only 1200 pm while i'm doing what i enjoy best blabbing with no real purpose in front of the computer)

Friday, September 5, 2008

Moving On

1. Life's tough. No matter how much you hate it, it must go on. There are ups and downs, good times and bad, happy and sad, shitty and know all and everything in between.

2. Can't help but to praise Allah Almighty for a very kind husband I'm having right now, and hope that this bliss of wedded life will continue and not fall apart and contribute to divorce statistics in the country.

3. I'm still striving for my dream.

4. Need exodus from kyunoterebi fast.

5. I'm so fat now, nearing to be a metabo of my own size.