Saturday, January 9, 2010

Burying the hatchet?

What does it mean for people who regularly 'revisits' their past? Does it mean that they're backwards lot when life is about moving forward?

What about painful memories? Is it not called "memories" still? A memo - recollection, remembrance, retaining, recalling. Unless a person suffers some sort of mental disorders...then you ought to forgive that person for absence of recollecting his pasts.

There's also another notion that people who can't forget, those refuse to move on are plain haters. Because they can't find in them the strength to 'erase' those painful memories, or a particular black episodes of their life.

Hence, you have the saying of "I can forgive but can't forget".

Of course this ramblings applied for 'painful memories' only. Sure, the happy ones, we would want to cherish for life.

AND then there's a saying of 'Everybody has secrets' usually associated with dark, ugly secrets/memories/experiences or simply just some facts (mostly embarrassing) that being kept private.

Now, 30 years of age - there's just two, TWO things that I've kept "recollecting" every now and then, and the pain just awful. These two things...concerning two persons in this world undoubtedly equating to be the two most hated persons in my life. MOST HATED. These two people have had such significance in my life that the degree of pain caused by them still bear scar though the wound is healed.

Thus, will I ever find peace in my life if I were to forget and let go of the haunting pasts or I should just let it be and take it as self-learning experiences of life (of course I have done so - especially the second case/person) BUT it is the first case that makes me irks so bad, that thanks to digital world I could still learn about thee's whereabouts/life and the 'findings' gave me a brutal slap of reality - that thee seemed happy and moved on (not to mentioned spawned, twice) which is causing me jittery that it's almost hysterical (and sordid too) not to mentioned all 'inspiring' as well enough to make me ramble here.

ALAS, am I really that sordid to keep checking on that poltergeist and got all neurotic when I do? Or am I really the mental one for doing what i am doing? Or less dramatic, am I the hater for not letting go? Whichever the case, I am making it a known fact here about this little 'skeletons' I have in the closet and something inside of me is saying that the poltergeist is doing the same too - checking out yours truly via wired world.

Anyways, you, poltergeist 7369, yeah you. I do know now where you at. Let's just see how long it takes for you to 'hide' yourself in the 'underwired world', cause I know the temptations are too great to resist. You poltergeist the scaredy-cat to opt for hiding. In the mean time keep spawning, confirming the other half of the poltergeist is nothing but that - reproduction machine. With one XX and another XY. Awesome. Don't forget another saying 'what goes around, comes around'. your juniors will pay if not too careful.

Ah, too carried away. This post sure screams me burying the hatchet...NOT, don't I.

Oh and another fact, the other less poltergeist but nonetheless demonic had also 'spawned' I heard. A XX. Now almost 3 years from where I have left, poltergeist #2 still hasn't made a thing it was 'envying' me much to be in those years. Still stucked (sucked) there eyh mate?

*sigh* OK enough of this. Enough catecholamine (that's angry hormone for you) fueled lashing for the day. Have an early start today. Hopefully am able to make it (for the first time) a candidature defense sitting for I'll be up, next week! *gulps*

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