So i finally submitted my application for an extension...now am leaving everthing to Allah. As expected, my dean was not happy with my cgpa, heck i am not happy with my cgpa, it could be considered "bad" for a tpm scholar like me...but what can i do abt it? I am as frustrsted as i can ever be upon learning the very burdensome theses won't be graded except for a mere pass or fail, so in other words i have no more chance of improving my cgpa.
So, could cgpa really be the yardstick for one's intellegence/diligence? I dont think so, well not really, at least not for postgrad studies and especially not in um very discreet peculiar grading that is solely on the lect's prerogative.
I think it is fair to say that all of my batch mates that took all subjects last 2 sem- were screwed! At least for 2 papers- of which all of us had awesome carry marks- heck, i got a 44/50 for my IR class, a 38/50 for Warfare...i could have easily scored at least A- for both! All of us could easily scored A- ...but none did! None! even for those who had soaring carry marks of 48-ish, didnt get A-. Peculiar. So, only one reason could explained that- both of the lect for each papers that we were all so aiming to get As, resigned just before final exams!! they have done all they can for us, marked our papers, hints for finals, finish all syllabus- they left us with hope to score well. But tangled in offc politics one of them did, made all of us "pay" for a second review i reckon...especially requested/probe by one person (of whom i think was not on a same page with the other one) this said person took over the class, and "took" away all of our carry marks too i reckon by requesting a second review (something tht any lect can call for, on any students/class to re-assess the marks given, and whatever marks the second review tabulated- tht is finalised! Even if it's lower than the first time score. I'd say pretty draconian don't you think?
So, with tht- we were all screwed! I am screwed. Gone were the hopes of securing at least 2 As although i busted my ass for it, and gotten a very good carry marks. It was difficult to fathom the calculations, i mean even our mr ambassador thts been on top of the class didnt get A for IR class- of which all of us had great carry marks, and was hinted final exams' Qs.
So there, i personally think, to get good cgpa one doesnt have to be good only at the studies, because even if you're good- there are other factors such as how fond is the lect to you or the perception of the lect to you could also be subjecting your As. and in um, if one lect thinks u dont deserve the A, they can ask a second review with no reason but dissatisfaction/disbelief and basically can ruin your life without u even know it until it's too late.
I may not be super excellent, but i never failed, i send my work on time, i did my assignments, i didnt skip class, i was never late-however i was never the booty licker, party warmer, i dont talk much (cos there was one mad woman in class that was super egoistic and control freak, so we mostly let this mad woman speaks) , heck i never offered to send the lect home, i dont go knocking on their doors after class bugging/showing my interest for extra notes...because thats not who i am.
anyways point being As or not, purely subject to tht lect- some can be stingy some can be very lenient. Though we had two lenient lects, we were screwed becos they resigned (asked to) earlier than final exams, and got screwed with the second review system. So this sem, from what i heard, most are doing well cos they have 1 lenient kind prof. one friend who extended the studies for 3 sems more- even had 2 As bcos she was lucky to have had some lenient lect.
Was i stupid /lazy student cos i didnt get A+? no, i dont think so. I can better write than one friend that got A+ yet i dont have A+ becos i was one of the unlucky batch that got screwed with the second review system!! My cgpa could have been at least 3.6 now. Could have but didnt, and there goes my hope to further my studies overseas. Damn the system!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
decisions decisions
Salaam.
this one is short and not so sweet unfortunately, despite my high sugar intake that is i still cannot make this entry a 'lickerishly' sweet one. LOL.
Still pressing on the race of finishing the unfinished.
I reckon am so under stress and pressure that i got ridiculous acne breakouts almost every part on my face now - even the delicate part of my eyelids! I don't have to be a rocket scientist to know this as you know it's not that month of the months when acne breakouts are anticipated.
Yes, stress it must be.
Way off schedule. In fact make that way derailed off schedule. So derailed, that I can't even make a good sentence and look up in my dual dictionary even such primary school words like 'underestimate'. Bah!
Exhaustion... cannot even begin with that part.
OH last Sunday, my neighbour held her son's wedding- i was really anxious of making an appearance, simply because i am just so fatso now, and the eye bags and acnes oh so unappealing to anyone's sight to behold mine included. Yet, hub pushed me to go, and i know i just must go for the food of course because i was so immersed in work (and sleep deprived) that i just don't have the interest to cook (unless really really need for the sake of my daughter) so we usually have take-outs, and last sunday, 'lunch' was served practically in front of the house. Under the tents of course. LOL.
I was so anxious and worried, i tried couple of my baju kurungs as if getting ready for a date,. Even then, i was never that anxious. But this time, to my horrid discovery, i can no longer fit into one of my fav baju kurung!
Gosh, i must have gained so much saturated fats. Reckon the sleep deprived part is also one of the contributing factor to weight gain.
LAstly, i resorted to wearing casual black skirt matched with the only decent-kenduri approved attire and still fit into- black tops..with decent amount of diamante to dazzle people on a hot sunny Sunday. LOL! No surprise, to the very laid-back community that still surprisingly practice gotong-royong for this kenduri kawin, they were giving me a smirk or reluctant smile or wondering smile maybe because of my seemingly out of place and colored attire. Black for a wedding! HAHA, i was mourning alright, mourning for my own "death" on thesis writing. Death of that derailed thoughts...that is taking longer than expected to be fixed.
Anyways, decisions decisions. Content analysis? Suicidal! Indepth interview? Double suicidal! Mere qualitative secondary data reviewing? Do-able but too easy for me (gosh, nak berangan lagi tu ...da takde masa pun still nak reach for the stars)
yes i'd still reach for the stars. and hope i get extension to buy me some time to reach for that one star of finishing this incredibly burdensome writing. Mama help me.
Progress: 15,000 words. Half to go. HALF!
this one is short and not so sweet unfortunately, despite my high sugar intake that is i still cannot make this entry a 'lickerishly' sweet one. LOL.
Still pressing on the race of finishing the unfinished.
I reckon am so under stress and pressure that i got ridiculous acne breakouts almost every part on my face now - even the delicate part of my eyelids! I don't have to be a rocket scientist to know this as you know it's not that month of the months when acne breakouts are anticipated.
Yes, stress it must be.
Way off schedule. In fact make that way derailed off schedule. So derailed, that I can't even make a good sentence and look up in my dual dictionary even such primary school words like 'underestimate'. Bah!
Exhaustion... cannot even begin with that part.
OH last Sunday, my neighbour held her son's wedding- i was really anxious of making an appearance, simply because i am just so fatso now, and the eye bags and acnes oh so unappealing to anyone's sight to behold mine included. Yet, hub pushed me to go, and i know i just must go for the food of course because i was so immersed in work (and sleep deprived) that i just don't have the interest to cook (unless really really need for the sake of my daughter) so we usually have take-outs, and last sunday, 'lunch' was served practically in front of the house. Under the tents of course. LOL.
I was so anxious and worried, i tried couple of my baju kurungs as if getting ready for a date,. Even then, i was never that anxious. But this time, to my horrid discovery, i can no longer fit into one of my fav baju kurung!
Gosh, i must have gained so much saturated fats. Reckon the sleep deprived part is also one of the contributing factor to weight gain.
LAstly, i resorted to wearing casual black skirt matched with the only decent-kenduri approved attire and still fit into- black tops..with decent amount of diamante to dazzle people on a hot sunny Sunday. LOL! No surprise, to the very laid-back community that still surprisingly practice gotong-royong for this kenduri kawin, they were giving me a smirk or reluctant smile or wondering smile maybe because of my seemingly out of place and colored attire. Black for a wedding! HAHA, i was mourning alright, mourning for my own "death" on thesis writing. Death of that derailed thoughts...that is taking longer than expected to be fixed.
Anyways, decisions decisions. Content analysis? Suicidal! Indepth interview? Double suicidal! Mere qualitative secondary data reviewing? Do-able but too easy for me (gosh, nak berangan lagi tu ...da takde masa pun still nak reach for the stars)
yes i'd still reach for the stars. and hope i get extension to buy me some time to reach for that one star of finishing this incredibly burdensome writing. Mama help me.
Progress: 15,000 words. Half to go. HALF!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Kenangan....
Kenangan.
Hidup memang banyak kenangan. Suka duka. Pahit manis. Ada yang kita perlu lupakan, ada yang ingin kita ingati dan ada...yang sudah kita terlupa tiba-tiba menerjah kembali.
Contoh hari ini, ketika ini, tiba-tiba aku teringatkan cikgu sementara sekolah rendah aku di Kampung Tunku, ketika Darjah 4. Cikgu Nur Izzah Mokhtar kalau tak silap, beliau menjadi guru sambilan untuk tiga bulan rasanya ketika itu. Kami rapat dengannya. Aku rapat dengannya. Selepas dia berhenti mengajar, kami (bersama dua tiga rakan sekelas) pernah ke rumah beliau berhampiran dengan sekolah kampung tunku, betul-betul dekat simpang stesen minyak Esso.
Kami berjalan kaki ke rumahnya yang mengambil masa kira-kira 10 minit. Sampai ke rumah beliau, kami dihidangkan air oren ais. Sejuk. Rumah banglo cikgu aku masih boleh ingat, kosong ketika itu tiada orang- kedua ibubapa beliau keluar (bapa cikgu seorang Hakim). Cikgu perkenalkan kami dengan adik kembar perempuannya. Kami terkejut, seronok pun ada. Muka sama. Putih mulus, dengan cara pakai tudung yang sama (bayangkan stail tudung tahun awal 1990an- tanpa bonggol unta yang tinggi ye!)
Beberapa tahun selepas itu, kami masih juga sesekali bertandang ke rumah cikgu, Hari Raya dsb.
Kemudian, semakin lama semakin jarang berhubung. Sehinggalah cikgu menyambung pelajarannya dalam jurusan perundangan di University East of Anglia, London. Beliau pernah mengirim kepada aku sekeping poskad berlatarkan universiti beliau serta sekeping gambarnya. Itulah yang pertama dan terakhir.
Sehinggalah, aku menjejak kasih kembali sekitar 2003. Itupun melalui telefon. Beliau masih ingat pada aku ketika itu. Dan beliau sudah bergelar peguam. Rasanya aku menghubungi cikgu untuk mendapat nasihat undang-undang.
------------kini zaman teknologi serba canggih, dengan FB, Google etc. Aku cuba jejaki di alam maya. Tapi, hampa. Manalah tau, untung nasib cikgu terserempak dengan entri ini, saya ingin membuat pengakuan- saya teringatkan cikgu! :) apalah agaknya khabar beliau sekarang? tentu sudah berkeluarga.
Dan, sedang aku mengimbau kenangan bersama cikgu Izzah, aku teringatkan seorang lagi cikgu Kampung Tunku aku, juga cikgu sambilan, atau lebih tepat Ustazah sambilan. Tapi, aku lupa nama uniknya kecuali nama pangkal RATNA. Sekali lagi aku gunakan enjian carian, tapi tiada apa-apa. Kemudian, tiba-tiba, nama itu datang, kenangan itu menerjah...aku ingat kembali! Cikgu RatnaDumilah Sari, asal singapura. Ketika hari terakhir beliau, cikgu hadiahkan sekeping penanda buku buatan sendiri dengan kata-kata hikmat "Strive harder for a better future". (wow, tidak semena-mena teringat tentang itu juga).
Aku juga masih ingat, betapa aku merujuk kepada kamus untuk perkataan "strive" dan jadikan ayat itu motivasi kehidupan pembelajaran aku.
Dua nota penting kepada entri ini:
1) Betapa orang yang baik walaupun sekadar "menyentuh" hidup kita walaupun seketika, tetap tersemat dalam kenangan, apatah lagi seorang insan bergelar cikgu.
2) Benar, kata orang - tentang kuasa minda. The power of our brain = minds. How, suddenly, without any warning we could be reminded of something that has passed our lives many years back. Memory do remains.
Hidup memang banyak kenangan. Suka duka. Pahit manis. Ada yang kita perlu lupakan, ada yang ingin kita ingati dan ada...yang sudah kita terlupa tiba-tiba menerjah kembali.
Contoh hari ini, ketika ini, tiba-tiba aku teringatkan cikgu sementara sekolah rendah aku di Kampung Tunku, ketika Darjah 4. Cikgu Nur Izzah Mokhtar kalau tak silap, beliau menjadi guru sambilan untuk tiga bulan rasanya ketika itu. Kami rapat dengannya. Aku rapat dengannya. Selepas dia berhenti mengajar, kami (bersama dua tiga rakan sekelas) pernah ke rumah beliau berhampiran dengan sekolah kampung tunku, betul-betul dekat simpang stesen minyak Esso.
Kami berjalan kaki ke rumahnya yang mengambil masa kira-kira 10 minit. Sampai ke rumah beliau, kami dihidangkan air oren ais. Sejuk. Rumah banglo cikgu aku masih boleh ingat, kosong ketika itu tiada orang- kedua ibubapa beliau keluar (bapa cikgu seorang Hakim). Cikgu perkenalkan kami dengan adik kembar perempuannya. Kami terkejut, seronok pun ada. Muka sama. Putih mulus, dengan cara pakai tudung yang sama (bayangkan stail tudung tahun awal 1990an- tanpa bonggol unta yang tinggi ye!)
Beberapa tahun selepas itu, kami masih juga sesekali bertandang ke rumah cikgu, Hari Raya dsb.
Kemudian, semakin lama semakin jarang berhubung. Sehinggalah cikgu menyambung pelajarannya dalam jurusan perundangan di University East of Anglia, London. Beliau pernah mengirim kepada aku sekeping poskad berlatarkan universiti beliau serta sekeping gambarnya. Itulah yang pertama dan terakhir.
Sehinggalah, aku menjejak kasih kembali sekitar 2003. Itupun melalui telefon. Beliau masih ingat pada aku ketika itu. Dan beliau sudah bergelar peguam. Rasanya aku menghubungi cikgu untuk mendapat nasihat undang-undang.
------------kini zaman teknologi serba canggih, dengan FB, Google etc. Aku cuba jejaki di alam maya. Tapi, hampa. Manalah tau, untung nasib cikgu terserempak dengan entri ini, saya ingin membuat pengakuan- saya teringatkan cikgu! :) apalah agaknya khabar beliau sekarang? tentu sudah berkeluarga.
Dan, sedang aku mengimbau kenangan bersama cikgu Izzah, aku teringatkan seorang lagi cikgu Kampung Tunku aku, juga cikgu sambilan, atau lebih tepat Ustazah sambilan. Tapi, aku lupa nama uniknya kecuali nama pangkal RATNA. Sekali lagi aku gunakan enjian carian, tapi tiada apa-apa. Kemudian, tiba-tiba, nama itu datang, kenangan itu menerjah...aku ingat kembali! Cikgu RatnaDumilah Sari, asal singapura. Ketika hari terakhir beliau, cikgu hadiahkan sekeping penanda buku buatan sendiri dengan kata-kata hikmat "Strive harder for a better future". (wow, tidak semena-mena teringat tentang itu juga).
Aku juga masih ingat, betapa aku merujuk kepada kamus untuk perkataan "strive" dan jadikan ayat itu motivasi kehidupan pembelajaran aku.
Dua nota penting kepada entri ini:
1) Betapa orang yang baik walaupun sekadar "menyentuh" hidup kita walaupun seketika, tetap tersemat dalam kenangan, apatah lagi seorang insan bergelar cikgu.
2) Benar, kata orang - tentang kuasa minda. The power of our brain = minds. How, suddenly, without any warning we could be reminded of something that has passed our lives many years back. Memory do remains.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Temporal happiness or absolute happiness?
So what choice would it be for you: temporal happiness or absolute? No doubt many would answer- absolute! Who'd wants anything temporary? No one likes temporary position- be it anything. For temporal being losses out the sense of security. Something we humans can't live without.
Don't believe me? In finding job, we surely don't fancy anything temporary status- the possibility of you being terminated is high. Now, securing a permanent position, secures you a place, the certainty that you belong to the place.
In seeking love, absolutely wanting that special person returning the lasting, absolute love for you, hence marriage often seal the deal, security that that one person won't leave you and easily find him/herself out of love.
When speaking truth, people trust more with absolute truth than half-truths (eh, wait...that equates to lie is it not?)
OK. It's 7:18 am. I haven't slept since morning and i been working for hours in front of my pc, often hitting the backspace button when trying to write something regarding my school work. I need vocab boost, i need absolute intellegence? OK am rambling too much.
Wrote a piece about can we live our life without Facebook. Actually, wrote that out of my sister's request for her...um, can't say. Spent quite some time and took me some real effort- i think i wrote not too shabby piece. Nothing academic, just ordinary, columnist like writing.
Hence, the rambling - am stress but not too stress for blogging this. Found out Rara Zikri, a 23 year old beauty lim kok wing student that made headlines a little while ago because she got diagnosed with respitory problem that's depriving her brain with oxygen supply. She initially just feel ill, had an asthma attack one unfortunate day while briskly walking in a park- turned blued, admitted to hospital then fell into a coma for 2 months and when she woke up- only to be in a veggied state, paralysed...can't speak, limbs stiffs. And now she is gone. It is a sad story, and a good lessons for us that life can be too short, and taken away in a moment. Imagine you were just laughing away with friends, enjoying your day and suddenly...collapsed & fell ill and disabled. This Rara Zikri is such a beautiful, sweet looking girl. Really beautiful and just in a split moment that beauty was taken away by Allah. She had to endured pains that only we can imagined before she was taken away forever from this world. And to know that she's the cousin of my ex-classmate, makes it even sadder, i cannot ever imagine the grief her family is going through. May Allah bless her soul and found her absolute happiness that is jannah.ameen.
Don't believe me? In finding job, we surely don't fancy anything temporary status- the possibility of you being terminated is high. Now, securing a permanent position, secures you a place, the certainty that you belong to the place.
In seeking love, absolutely wanting that special person returning the lasting, absolute love for you, hence marriage often seal the deal, security that that one person won't leave you and easily find him/herself out of love.
When speaking truth, people trust more with absolute truth than half-truths (eh, wait...that equates to lie is it not?)
OK. It's 7:18 am. I haven't slept since morning and i been working for hours in front of my pc, often hitting the backspace button when trying to write something regarding my school work. I need vocab boost, i need absolute intellegence? OK am rambling too much.
Wrote a piece about can we live our life without Facebook. Actually, wrote that out of my sister's request for her...um, can't say. Spent quite some time and took me some real effort- i think i wrote not too shabby piece. Nothing academic, just ordinary, columnist like writing.
Hence, the rambling - am stress but not too stress for blogging this. Found out Rara Zikri, a 23 year old beauty lim kok wing student that made headlines a little while ago because she got diagnosed with respitory problem that's depriving her brain with oxygen supply. She initially just feel ill, had an asthma attack one unfortunate day while briskly walking in a park- turned blued, admitted to hospital then fell into a coma for 2 months and when she woke up- only to be in a veggied state, paralysed...can't speak, limbs stiffs. And now she is gone. It is a sad story, and a good lessons for us that life can be too short, and taken away in a moment. Imagine you were just laughing away with friends, enjoying your day and suddenly...collapsed & fell ill and disabled. This Rara Zikri is such a beautiful, sweet looking girl. Really beautiful and just in a split moment that beauty was taken away by Allah. She had to endured pains that only we can imagined before she was taken away forever from this world. And to know that she's the cousin of my ex-classmate, makes it even sadder, i cannot ever imagine the grief her family is going through. May Allah bless her soul and found her absolute happiness that is jannah.ameen.
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