Less than a month to go.
Progress been slowly catching up, i have to sacrifice my sleep for it. Made a "crash writing" schedule. Time is of essence. Time is running out. Time is ....screw it. I do hope for more than 24 hours in a day. I need more time.
My 'coughing' still bothering me. Went for a second visit at the clinic last Monday, even the doctor was baffled as to why my coughs will not go away. He gave me new prescriptions though, including an inhaler for bronchitis/asthma and the bits of 'crystals' that you dilute in a warm water and breathe in the steam.
Good news: my sinus and phlegm seems to be recovering. Less blocked-nose now.
Bad news: 'dry' coughs intensified especially at nights/ while i am lying down, trying to sleep or after i take my showers. And i am coughing so bad, sometimes i almost puke.
The doc said, I'd have to give these new prescriptions a week or so. And if it still persists, he's going to refer me to a specialist.
Life can't be any more dramatic for me now. Talk about challenges. I have never been anymore sleep deprived in my life yet got to be strong and stay committed for school work, play mommy-role and house-wifey. Luckily, I don't need to clean the house - as my hub will take on that part and doing the laundry too. Am not whining, will take it all in, positively Insya-Allah.
For now, just hope that this cough will go away, I can't bear to be this sick too long; too many at stakes now, too many responsibilities to carry. Need a healthy body. All this will end, soon. Oh, and on the brighter note- dad has been discharged last Monday (although it was by his own request). I am not a 100% sure of his health records as of now since prior being released - mom was all worried for his soaring blood pressure readings, also his surgery wound still not fully dried (he's diabetic).
I reckon dad don't want to stay because he wants to do something so urgently that needs him out of the hospital, pronto. Something that he keeps as secret from us all. Just saying it smells 'fishy-fishy- here, it doesn't add up cause he insisted he was enjoying the stay at the hospital. And suddenly, he's out from the ward despite the worrying conditions?
I haven't got the chance to see him yet. I'd usually follow hubs in the morning (if hub's working that is) and I'll visit the parents later after sending off hub to office. BUT if I fail to catch the 'bus' in the morning, I'd usually be left off by hub and that would pretty much discourage me to make a 40++ mins drive accompanied only with my little rascal and her unpredictable mood. So, I'd rather sit it out in this suburban neighborhood of mine where its nearest sign of civilization is KFC. So much of that oily chicken, that it was one of my little rascal's first brands that she can easily associates with! LOL.
OK time's up, back to the world of social political theories and what not - a world when one reads, one might think that one's knowledge of the world been elevated to a new realm yet one will ends up feeling more lost than before to the so-called enlightenment process - cause all the theories, to me- nothing but a scholar's concoction of ideas. Interesting..but debatable.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Sakit Tekak
Masih sakit tekak, ini (11.11.11) sudah masuk hari ke-5, kalau seminggu aku tak sembuh -harus refer specialists ENT.
Sakit tekak ni pernah kena diagnosed dulu - mula2 memang macam sakit tekak normal ; tekak kering, rasa pahit etc and then sakit, suara mula takde, susah nak telan - conclusion tak sedap badan.
Selepas makan ubat klinik rakyat kasik termasuk ubat batuk (walaupun aku tak yakin kemujarabannya) hari kedua, aku demam. badan seram sejuk. suara totally takde. sampai kalau nak cakap kena berbisik. Yang best anak aku pun akan bisik balik kalau cakap dengan mami dia ni...dia ingat mami dia main-main bisik plak..how cute that is kan.
Then, on the third day - demam baik, suara ada balik walaupun bukan tahap kemerduan yang biasa - kiranya tahap suara contestants karaoke jambanlah...bolehlah nyanyi tapi ke laut - lepas tu kalau cakap je sepatah dua - akan batuk.
Yang baik daripada musibah ini : suasana rumah agak tenang sedikit, aku kurang leter ngan anak aku, balik hub pun aku takde bagik satu jam buletin - segala hapdets aku kasik berita terkini jeks gitew. short and sweet. walaupun suara garau.
Pastu hari keempat, kotak suara semakin pulih. Tapi hari ini aku da rasakan yang sakit tekak aku bukan sebenarnya sakit tekak normal - punca sakit tekak aku adalah kerana resdung aku.
Aku pernah lalui sakit macam ini. aku akan batuk dan batuk dan batuk - tapi macam batuk kering , batuk kosong, batuk tak lepas gitu. Cakap skit batuk. Telan air liur akan buat aku nak batuk dan berdehem je mesti aku akan batuk sebab rasa macam lendir je kerongkong.
Dulu, seorang doktor panel aku pernah diagnose sakit aku berpunca sebab resdung. Kata dia, ada mucus dari hidung aku yang tak lepas (as in nak bersin tak keluar, nak telan pun tak lepas - so mucus tu dripping kat tekak membuat tekak gatal dan aku akan batuk-batuk) . Itu teori dia. Jadi menurut dia, aku tak payah susah makan ubat batuk, cause that won't work. Equally dia tak kasik ubat selesema sebab aku bukan flu tapi sinus - so dia kasik benda spray idung tu. (but i hate that thing cos that never really work for me)
Kemudian, kepada 3 doktor panel aku yang aku selalu pergi - sepakat (bukan hari yang sama lah kan, on different visit) yang membuatkan aku batuk ialah kerana aku batuklah tapi batuk aku membuatkan aku asthmatic. Peringkat awal asthma. So dia refer hospital, dan aku pernah lalui ujian asthmatic - yang tarik nafas dalam tabung ada bebuli tu - so aku tak lepas tarik nafas - verdict: aku ada asthma, katanya.
Tapi aku bukan asthma yang biasa menurut mereka. Asthma aku come and go. As such i don't really need to depend on inhaler.
-------------------------itu semua dulu punya diagnose. Apa2pun, sekarang aku tak rasa both batuk biasa or luar biasa. Yang aku tahu aku batuk, and semakin kerap and semakin teruk, dan tiap kali batuk -dada aku sakit. Nafas aku kuat. Rasa hidung memang sumbat. Nak telan mucus tu tak dapat, nak bersin pun payah (aku trauma bersin2 paksa ni sejak tabiat bersin ni 'memakan' telinga kanan aku)
adoiyai...banyaknya penyakit. CUMA yang risau batuk ni, sebab tak pernah kalau aku batuk, hub pun akan batuk-batuk - so dia pun kena jugak (atau terjangkit?)
harap bukan serius macam tibi.
Takut jugak. takut mati. dosa banyak, pahala ciput. Usia muda lagi. Cita-cita tinggi. Impian banyak tak tercapai. Harapan menggunung bak everest.
Orang kata sakit-sakit ni penghapus dosa-dosa kecil. kalau begitu, maka sudah terhapuskah dosa aku?
Namun aku pasti ini semua memang kehendak dariNya - peringatanNYA kepada aku yang selalu alpa.......
Sakit tekak ni pernah kena diagnosed dulu - mula2 memang macam sakit tekak normal ; tekak kering, rasa pahit etc and then sakit, suara mula takde, susah nak telan - conclusion tak sedap badan.
Selepas makan ubat klinik rakyat kasik termasuk ubat batuk (walaupun aku tak yakin kemujarabannya) hari kedua, aku demam. badan seram sejuk. suara totally takde. sampai kalau nak cakap kena berbisik. Yang best anak aku pun akan bisik balik kalau cakap dengan mami dia ni...dia ingat mami dia main-main bisik plak..how cute that is kan.
Then, on the third day - demam baik, suara ada balik walaupun bukan tahap kemerduan yang biasa - kiranya tahap suara contestants karaoke jambanlah...bolehlah nyanyi tapi ke laut - lepas tu kalau cakap je sepatah dua - akan batuk.
Yang baik daripada musibah ini : suasana rumah agak tenang sedikit, aku kurang leter ngan anak aku, balik hub pun aku takde bagik satu jam buletin - segala hapdets aku kasik berita terkini jeks gitew. short and sweet. walaupun suara garau.
Pastu hari keempat, kotak suara semakin pulih. Tapi hari ini aku da rasakan yang sakit tekak aku bukan sebenarnya sakit tekak normal - punca sakit tekak aku adalah kerana resdung aku.
Aku pernah lalui sakit macam ini. aku akan batuk dan batuk dan batuk - tapi macam batuk kering , batuk kosong, batuk tak lepas gitu. Cakap skit batuk. Telan air liur akan buat aku nak batuk dan berdehem je mesti aku akan batuk sebab rasa macam lendir je kerongkong.
Dulu, seorang doktor panel aku pernah diagnose sakit aku berpunca sebab resdung. Kata dia, ada mucus dari hidung aku yang tak lepas (as in nak bersin tak keluar, nak telan pun tak lepas - so mucus tu dripping kat tekak membuat tekak gatal dan aku akan batuk-batuk) . Itu teori dia. Jadi menurut dia, aku tak payah susah makan ubat batuk, cause that won't work. Equally dia tak kasik ubat selesema sebab aku bukan flu tapi sinus - so dia kasik benda spray idung tu. (but i hate that thing cos that never really work for me)
Kemudian, kepada 3 doktor panel aku yang aku selalu pergi - sepakat (bukan hari yang sama lah kan, on different visit) yang membuatkan aku batuk ialah kerana aku batuklah tapi batuk aku membuatkan aku asthmatic. Peringkat awal asthma. So dia refer hospital, dan aku pernah lalui ujian asthmatic - yang tarik nafas dalam tabung ada bebuli tu - so aku tak lepas tarik nafas - verdict: aku ada asthma, katanya.
Tapi aku bukan asthma yang biasa menurut mereka. Asthma aku come and go. As such i don't really need to depend on inhaler.
-------------------------itu semua dulu punya diagnose. Apa2pun, sekarang aku tak rasa both batuk biasa or luar biasa. Yang aku tahu aku batuk, and semakin kerap and semakin teruk, dan tiap kali batuk -dada aku sakit. Nafas aku kuat. Rasa hidung memang sumbat. Nak telan mucus tu tak dapat, nak bersin pun payah (aku trauma bersin2 paksa ni sejak tabiat bersin ni 'memakan' telinga kanan aku)
adoiyai...banyaknya penyakit. CUMA yang risau batuk ni, sebab tak pernah kalau aku batuk, hub pun akan batuk-batuk - so dia pun kena jugak (atau terjangkit?)
harap bukan serius macam tibi.
Takut jugak. takut mati. dosa banyak, pahala ciput. Usia muda lagi. Cita-cita tinggi. Impian banyak tak tercapai. Harapan menggunung bak everest.
Orang kata sakit-sakit ni penghapus dosa-dosa kecil. kalau begitu, maka sudah terhapuskah dosa aku?
Namun aku pasti ini semua memang kehendak dariNya - peringatanNYA kepada aku yang selalu alpa.......
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Another cool homegrown making a global brand..slowly but surely
Zee Avi, Sarawkian. A bit like Yuna. But she's more country-ish.
Mak dulu verangan nak jadi macam ni, tapi masa tu takde la utube sume, skg da ada, perot da berscratch-mark, dagu dah berlapis...takkan nak upload vid ss sendiri, kang jadi cikgu shida 2.0 plak...or better still pensyarah tet tet? susah jah. mimpi sajalah ...mungkin nak 'brush-up' skills anak lak, lentur buluh dari rebungnya kan orang kata, hantar dia masuk pertandingan nyanyi semua - untung2 leh jadi cam ND Lala ke...boleh pencen MLM kan? takyah kejer...jd pa anak je..kerlas jugak lol
I was a poet once...LOL!
OK. I am happy to consider myself a 'neither here nor there' type when it comes to my English proficiency. Of course, this degradation is only recent. Um, OK who am I kidding. I guess my English's deteriorated since I started my uni years and just gotten even worse when I embarked my journey as an employee.
BUT circa Sri Amanian years - I was pretty skillful. (Patting myself on the back now)
NO make that, awesome. LOL! (so, suka ati lah kalau mak perasan this is my blog afterall).Yes, I was in the English Club (yeah, shocker huh?), even entered an inter-class debate competition (double shocker?) - i mean, i love the language but i love any languages that is anyways. Unfortunately way back then, there was no other languages club in my school except English and Malay. I joined the school's Choral speaking. (OK that don't really count as my line was only to "burp" and said "oh and my tummy to fill" LOL) [such irony about me tummy since i am known back then to always skip classes because of gastric pains]
My major exams' result (of course the English language, 1119 to be exact) was a testament to my proficiency of this language.
Hence, i got myself placed in IIUM for a Bachelor in English Literature right after high school despite me applications to this one uni wanting to do totally different courses.
IIUM. It was historic. Not only because I was the first in my family to ever got enrolled for a uni different than the most popular uni amongst Malays. But the course was equally historic too. It was English Literature. Reckoned to be more grandeur than the overrated English TESL (teaching English for second language) course. My uncle said I could be an English lecturers/teachers/tutors which he foresees (then ) would be in demand or at least would be very useful for me once i graduate (now).
Also, that year (2000) marked another history in my life - I started to learned to wear hijab. OK. Because I had to as it was requirement of the uni (it was an International Islamic Uni M'sia anyways)
BUT, the smiles i put on my parents' face didn't last . I was a quitter. BUT i quit not because of the English course, but more of the requirement of me to pass the Arabic language subject if i ever want to graduate. This was the reason. Although not 200% but it was a major factor of me wanting to change uni because of my fear for failing Arabic courses.
Heck, I ain't ashamed to say that I read "asam" (as in Jawi reading) when i was supposed to be reading "Ismi" (as in Arabic for - name) when i saw the Arabic alphabets of "Alif", "Sin" and "Mim".
YES, i was that retarded. I can't read shit. When all the "baris" (the lines - the indicators of the Arabic alphabets are taken away, I turned pale and couldn't make the words) I was a dumbo.
BUT oh boy, how in love i was for the "ustaz" (Arabic for the male teacher). He was my only motivation to go to class every morning (yes lame and very teenager-ish). Heck, i even enrolled for extra-classes just to drool when he teaches (LOL, sorry hub).
**************shrieks***********
woooo...so off-topics now. LOL. terbabas mak. mahap, gostan jap.
ANYWAYSSSSSSSS, my point being that i find it is true when they say that we tend to be a wee bit more creative when our hearts are troubled/sad/depressed...creative in the sense that we may poured that wrenching emotions into words like a song/poetry even diary entry ok not something 'creatively' suicidal.
I mean look at all the great artists (musically) that ever lived - Kurt Cobain was at the peak of his success when his life was all shitty, so was Amy Winehouse's rise to fame with her emotional driven lyrics after a devastating break-ups.
AND i find myself no different than those artist. (OK mak perasan sat)
TAPI tang ini memang aku perasan sejak kecik, sebab masa kecik-kecik aku selalu bergaduh dengan kakak (teh) aku - kami macam anjing dengan kucing - and the not so syiok part was, everytime we had a brawl with each other, she always got mom's side although i am younger than her (mak bagi aku masa tu suka side dia..LOL) so, pergilah beta tuan puteri membawa diri, menjeruk perasaan yang sodih dalam bilik sensorang - dan aku akan suka karang-karang lagu lah, tulis diari lah etc. (LOL)
but this self-soothing method of mine, of course didn't make it to any pop charts/publishers etc. (walaupun aku ada berhajat adoiyai sekali lagi mak perasan jah, sorry).
SOOOOOOO apa-apapun, korek2 benda lama aku tgk hokehlahhh, not bad what i wrote before in my life eyh - poem syok sendiri
dan yang ni plak version haiku 5 baris tak berapa nak jadi :))
***slapppppppppppppppppp* ** ok nak cabut sambung baca journal...benda ni memang syioks sendiri.
PS: oh nota kaki, hari ini genap 3 hari ayahanda beta dimasukkan ke HKL of what seems to be a minor hand surgery removing an infected insect bites but since he was diabetic, the healing process seems to be longer than expected (1 day). Now he will only be released if the wounds will be completely dried. Semoga Allah sembuhkan ayahanda ku dan ampun dosa-dosanya. sobssss...
i, as well as all my family members are so not used with him getting sick, let alone being hospitalized like this (this would be his second time) because he is that super-healthy dad image, always there caring for my mom the hospital-is-my-second-home image (yes, mom always been the frequent visitor /residents in hospitals) - it is so different at my parents' home without his jovial acts - menyakat anak aku , anak aku pun macam rasa lain Atuk takde - asyik cari-cari mana Atuk kat rumah :((
Ayah, an sayang ayah just so you know in case you don't. (am all teary eyes now...gotta go)
BUT circa Sri Amanian years - I was pretty skillful. (Patting myself on the back now)
NO make that, awesome. LOL! (so, suka ati lah kalau mak perasan this is my blog afterall).Yes, I was in the English Club (yeah, shocker huh?), even entered an inter-class debate competition (double shocker?) - i mean, i love the language but i love any languages that is anyways. Unfortunately way back then, there was no other languages club in my school except English and Malay. I joined the school's Choral speaking. (OK that don't really count as my line was only to "burp" and said "oh and my tummy to fill" LOL) [such irony about me tummy since i am known back then to always skip classes because of gastric pains]
My major exams' result (of course the English language, 1119 to be exact) was a testament to my proficiency of this language.
Hence, i got myself placed in IIUM for a Bachelor in English Literature right after high school despite me applications to this one uni wanting to do totally different courses.
IIUM. It was historic. Not only because I was the first in my family to ever got enrolled for a uni different than the most popular uni amongst Malays. But the course was equally historic too. It was English Literature. Reckoned to be more grandeur than the overrated English TESL (teaching English for second language) course. My uncle said I could be an English lecturers/teachers/tutors which he foresees (then ) would be in demand or at least would be very useful for me once i graduate (now).
Also, that year (2000) marked another history in my life - I started to learned to wear hijab. OK. Because I had to as it was requirement of the uni (it was an International Islamic Uni M'sia anyways)
BUT, the smiles i put on my parents' face didn't last . I was a quitter. BUT i quit not because of the English course, but more of the requirement of me to pass the Arabic language subject if i ever want to graduate. This was the reason. Although not 200% but it was a major factor of me wanting to change uni because of my fear for failing Arabic courses.
Heck, I ain't ashamed to say that I read "asam" (as in Jawi reading) when i was supposed to be reading "Ismi" (as in Arabic for - name) when i saw the Arabic alphabets of "Alif", "Sin" and "Mim".
YES, i was that retarded. I can't read shit. When all the "baris" (the lines - the indicators of the Arabic alphabets are taken away, I turned pale and couldn't make the words) I was a dumbo.
BUT oh boy, how in love i was for the "ustaz" (Arabic for the male teacher). He was my only motivation to go to class every morning (yes lame and very teenager-ish). Heck, i even enrolled for extra-classes just to drool when he teaches (LOL, sorry hub).
**************shrieks***********
woooo...so off-topics now. LOL. terbabas mak. mahap, gostan jap.
ANYWAYSSSSSSSS, my point being that i find it is true when they say that we tend to be a wee bit more creative when our hearts are troubled/sad/depressed...creative in the sense that we may poured that wrenching emotions into words like a song/poetry even diary entry ok not something 'creatively' suicidal.
I mean look at all the great artists (musically) that ever lived - Kurt Cobain was at the peak of his success when his life was all shitty, so was Amy Winehouse's rise to fame with her emotional driven lyrics after a devastating break-ups.
AND i find myself no different than those artist. (OK mak perasan sat)
TAPI tang ini memang aku perasan sejak kecik, sebab masa kecik-kecik aku selalu bergaduh dengan kakak (teh) aku - kami macam anjing dengan kucing - and the not so syiok part was, everytime we had a brawl with each other, she always got mom's side although i am younger than her (mak bagi aku masa tu suka side dia..LOL) so, pergilah beta tuan puteri membawa diri, menjeruk perasaan yang sodih dalam bilik sensorang - dan aku akan suka karang-karang lagu lah, tulis diari lah etc. (LOL)
but this self-soothing method of mine, of course didn't make it to any pop charts/publishers etc. (walaupun aku ada berhajat adoiyai sekali lagi mak perasan jah, sorry).
SOOOOOOO apa-apapun, korek2 benda lama aku tgk hokehlahhh, not bad what i wrote before in my life eyh - poem syok sendiri
dan yang ni plak version haiku 5 baris tak berapa nak jadi :))
***slapppppppppppppppppp* ** ok nak cabut sambung baca journal...benda ni memang syioks sendiri.
PS: oh nota kaki, hari ini genap 3 hari ayahanda beta dimasukkan ke HKL of what seems to be a minor hand surgery removing an infected insect bites but since he was diabetic, the healing process seems to be longer than expected (1 day). Now he will only be released if the wounds will be completely dried. Semoga Allah sembuhkan ayahanda ku dan ampun dosa-dosanya. sobssss...
i, as well as all my family members are so not used with him getting sick, let alone being hospitalized like this (this would be his second time) because he is that super-healthy dad image, always there caring for my mom the hospital-is-my-second-home image (yes, mom always been the frequent visitor /residents in hospitals) - it is so different at my parents' home without his jovial acts - menyakat anak aku , anak aku pun macam rasa lain Atuk takde - asyik cari-cari mana Atuk kat rumah :((
Ayah, an sayang ayah just so you know in case you don't. (am all teary eyes now...gotta go)
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