Friday, October 21, 2011

I have my reasons, i quit!

one thing for sure, i am quite an indecisive person. also, i am kind of person who cannot lie in a fashion often termed as 'white lies' especially when face-to-face (as such i'd usually would (if needs to be) lie without eye-contact or via the phone or writings.

another thing about me - i have acute migraine this past of late. the headaches are more often, stays longer once it decides to be on me head and aches more severely.

As such, i hate to have things messing me head/mind causing the unnecessary stress.

...i have got so many things already on me plate, equally many shits am going through and have gone through and will go through i reckon, so it is only wiser for me to lessen any possible shits en route my life on becoming a graduate.

BUT i would not lie when i said, me decision of going back to work at me old place although a different department was a HUGE MISTAKE!!

despite my clear conscience and instinct, i'd still went for it only to find i was in a way manipulated by that place from the get-go...

..not only i was asked to work on a terribly short notice, i came in on my so-called first day without having actually agreed to it - was asked to sign in and everything and they didn't show me any contract despite me asking for it..(of course being a jelly-me, i wasn't that firm needless to say)

...i knew in my hearts that they were giving me a LC abbrev. for Legal Contract (more like Lousy Contract or Loser's Contract!) - this people, is the most inhumane not to mentioned illegal by the standards of both International and Local Labour Laws - it denies every bit of benefits and social workers rights & welfare.

.......BUT i'd still keep me fingers crossed you know, hoping that they are not that inhumane as i am not a fresh-grad and have had working (relevant, mind you) experiences to be bullied in such a way......

BOY was i wrong. only on me 4th day i've mustered the courage to asked the person in charge (because i've asked that said person before (much in terms of innuendos - didn't think that person could have been so innocent in innuendos lingo)

ANYWAYS, let's just say, i've had the intention of leaving from the first week already - the mortification, humiliation were intolerable for my taking - everything about it - from the working atmosphere, the facilities, the employment...screams utter degradation.

BUT, i wasn't keen to leave it all just because of that - at least not after what i have 'invested' upon starting the shigoto - the new shoes to so-called befitting of a tv journalist image in accordance to the kashain's standards (if there is any).

SURELY if any of you reading, would think that i am nothing more but a whiner to say such things ..but i bet you'll have a different opinion about me when i say that the place already belittling me right from the interviewing stage :-

humiliation 1) asked to gave copy of effin' SPM results
humiliation 2) one of the interviewer were shocked to his eyeballs to learned that i went to Sri Aman Girls High School - his exact words was "you don't look like one sri amanian gal , you look kampong (village) girl that's what you look like" - and this he kept repeating over and over like in utter disbelief that I never had anywhere else in this world except Petaling Jaya as my home (hence the first humiliation i reckon - you know as proof i was a Sri Aman girl)

.............i mean, have you ever met such shallow minded people like that? since when did it ever matter what high school you went to or whether you're so-called town girl or suburban/village one to get a job? what was worst that interviewer was not so much of a town boy himself - he was from the east coast (reputedly viewed as kampong by malaysian's social standards) and even when he talks, he still wears the village's accent!

At that point, i knew that that place was all wrong for me - really against my gut feelings.

BUT i persevered. I stayed. I am concerned about what little good name i have had in my past experiences relating to that company and of my husband's - as such i wanted to keep that good name...

HOWEVER, like i said - as if everything is set against me - from the get-go, everything doesn't seem to be working out for add insult to injury, the job scope was widen for me - the worst of all -shift hours. something that i never wanted . i mean, this is what i meant by 'manipulated'. if only during the interviewing stage they have told me straight up that i was going to be 'pull' for extra shows including shifts one - i would have make my stand!

you see i was not looking for something of a lifetime ..or maybe if i was, i surely don't want to start all over from scratch at the same company facing the same ridicule that i have survived last 5 years to become what i had left it to be...starting over as if i was a fresh grad was a RIDICULE. i left my position as acting producer en-route of permanent position, a senior in my office - you know i have enjoyed that 'small privileges' - but going back to serve as LC while there is a less experienced chap gotten himself a better employment contract and when asked on what merit he was awarded that...the answer given was clearly an insult to my intellegence - "oh he got that better place (than you) because he has 2 years of experiences (in another station)" : in all civility, i tried calming my raving minds although my mouth wanted to shout back at that person and said in bold sentences " but i have effing 4 years of experiences, why that doesn't count?" - but being me, refusing to stoop down at that person's level of ignorance and stupidity to simple mathematics - i reserved my comment to her nonchalant justification.

OK maybe i was being overly snob? BUT being sidelined and allowing yourself to be sidelined is plain stupid. you sell what you have, and if they're paying a lesser price - you opt to exit and find another buyer.

I knew then i've got to let myself out. BUT everytime i waited, everytime i wasted precious hours and everytime i was the losing party - because i haven't got myself the bloody contract i can't claim my paycheque. SO, i waited for the clearance of my contract , persistently bugging whoever is responsible in the process of me getting my cheque. At the same time, i asked alot of people on their opinon of my situation and surprisingly their answers were unanimous - QUIT.

THEN as if Allah was trying to help me find my way, just as i was 'sinking' myself deeper in the shithole - i got my 'break'. My daughter was sick. She fell ill coincidentally on the week when i was supposed to finish an assigment. I was torned in between marching on or bowing out.

You see i am not the breadwinner of the family. I am a housewife and a mother to a very young toddler. And so, when your little one is sick, i feel it is my dutiful role as the mother to care for my child. Hell with the job. hell with everybody. Because the job do not allow me for MC, Emergency Leave etc. when i needed it most - what choices do i have?? QUIT.

SO after third consecutive days, my child's fever wasn't recovering - in the midst of all that fiasco - I QUIT.

Still mustering the strength i had in me to give it a last go - i actually stayed (overtime) way till midnight despite my daughter's health situation - i stayed for editing, taking in the impossible task, embracing new machines without any crash course to use it - but the facilities were banal to stay the least - tried two rooms and with the help of two person that have more experiences working with the machines - it was futile.

Frustrated, messed up and utterly knackered - i sent home a friend that stayed with me to help with the editing only to find myself took a wrong route back to my place - i was almost lost at the highway and it was past midnight - suddenly i knew that was the answer to my horrible ordeal - QUIT!

I just woke up the next day, looked at my very feverish child, her puppy eyes, her burning body temp , it affirmed my last' previous night omen- I QUIT.

I took in whatever advices that i've collected before - saying it doesn't matter for me to even notify anybody, i could well be MIA and then just be gone with it and don't give a rat's ass about the place anymore...they say just QUIT.

I know if that's the way to be - my name, my good name...whatever ounces left of it - will be tarnished possibly forever...

SO in the midst of me being a worried mom to a sick toddler and being a responsible 'illegal' contractor - chose the former! i chose my daughter!

SO if that is considered a cowardice act - I dont't want to be brave.

If chosing to care for your sick child is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Let me be, and let them tarnish whatever they have of me - my name..but they can't take away my principles, my life, my daughter. I have my reasons, i quit! eat that.

PS: for the record, on the day i chose to quit- my daughter was on her fourth day of high fever and started to cough quite badly..on her sixth day - we took her to hospital and she was warded for bronchopneumonia where she and i stayed for 5 days. My daughter on tons of medicines - puffs/syrups/antibiotics (3days) and were advised to restrict her outdoor activities for she is possible for relapse. I made the right decision to quit.

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