Monday, April 11, 2011

Pain Pain GO Away, Never Come Back Any Day.

Salam.

OK, so if the title sound quite familiar to you, perhaps you have heard the original version of "rain rain go away come back another day" song although the issue of rain could well be incorporated in this thread (note: it has been raining cats and dogs for 2 days where i am living and that people aint that good for laundry)

PAIN. the word itself is painful to begin with. Am sure all of us have come across with some kind of painful experiences both physical and emotional, of which the latter i reckon more dramatic and unpredictable.

While i have many emotional pains ranging from personal to communal related matter, what concern me now is this physical pain i am in and need to deal with superfast. But before that, i must confess, i am never been that person with best health, was never athletic (except in my primary years-which i believe the only time in my life i remember running around school compound, or actively engage in running, screaming activities then after puberty everything changed..)..you get the idea, i was never a superfit person. Now fastforward, i am still NOT a fit person.

In fact, i'd dare to confess i am in neglicting my health more these days than i ever used to, i let them go uncheck. the last time i had my health checked was more than 6 months ago (even then was purely for the sake of filling in the requirements for MA and my scholarship)

In my mind, i am fully aware of the need to be health, if not rosy-pink, over the top , muscularly-six-packed abs (albeith no harm of having them, if only i could)...but i never manifest those ideas in real life (because i do often dreams of having sexy abs with 25 inch waist, strutting in skinny levis...) but no, the waistline keeps expanding day by day with the weight numbering heavier than i ever been. BUT no, this isnt about weight issue or sexy abs. this is about muscle pains and sprained joints. YES. sprained ankles and thumbs! and if it is not sheer coincidence, my body must have had 'wished' for it to happened because first i sprained the right thumb and after approximately 3 years, i sprained my right ankle- like as if the whole right-side body had a deal or something.
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SO first the thumb. WTF? thumb? surely you have not heard that as often as sprained ankle havent you? BUT just as its nomenclature - 'skiers thumb' because its prevelance in skiing injury- I DID got this thumb of mine injured because of SKIING! well, SNOWBOARDING to be exact. YES, i got the skiers thumb injury right from the snow covered mountain itself.in NAGANO, Japan to be precise.


The whole ordeal was painful and hillarious at one point ( i even laughed at myself, of course later the laughs turned to tears) not to mention, humiliation and disappointment.WHY? because there i was, for the first time in my life, having the chance to skii/snowboard and forked out money that i dont have much for the experience, spent long-bum-numbing hours of bus drive from tokyo to nagano-all excited, all pumped up..you know i was like a kid in the choco land-grinning from ear to ear, with video camera recording everything and anything (including my snow covered shoes) .........



Above: My two happy feet...before hell broke loose for me and my thumb never be the same again.


SIGH. gosh reminiscing it back......it is hard....i have blogged about this humiliating, painful experience...and to be writing it again here, with this throbbing pain in that particular thumb is...painful.


anyways, looking back, the 'above-force' was already trying to tell me, to better watch out and be careful or something terrible will happen. I mean, it was bad vibes right from claiming the rental skii gears, to video camera malfunction, no help from friend to lock the snowboards to ultimately the FALL that almost cause my thumb! (the fresh from accident thumb picture cannot be shown here as i have it stored in some cds in some box..)


Cut long story short- i fell with both my palms opened wide and that is the basic MAJOR rule of no-no if you ever fall while skiing, because it is so dangerous that it could break your thumb(s). Ironically, before falling to my palms, i had been warned by a friend about that basic rule it was like minutes before the accident and i vividly recall before it- i was on top of this mountain slope (numbered as slope 2-second most exciting/dangerous slopes in the vicinity), and i was so damn excited of making it there (after brief 'practice' on 'junior' slope)- right before taking the plunge to my almost broken thumb, i triumphantly stood without assistance for the first time with ease (of course was damn proud about this-note: snowboarding is more difficult to first timers to stand on their feet as compared with skiing because the legs are locked down to the board and any unplanned slip could spell disaster)...BUT that was it, my 5 second standings tall atop the mountain slope, taking in the beautiful all-white scenary and i made the move of my life, snowboarded for another 5 seconds and MAYDAY...disaster took over, i lost balanced and was flat on my face the next minute with a swollen thumb! It was so bad, i had to take out my gloves because the thumb could not fit anymore in it and the biting -25 degrees temperature was not doing much help to the injured finger.


The accident made me a sordid by-stander to all exciting snow activities from the whole afternoon till the end of the trip. By the time i got back to tokyo, i know i was in a terrible situation because the pain did not subside after weeks, i lost the sense to grip things, i could not write and if i did push it, it would cause my world of pain. It was that bad, sure friends told me to see a doctor, but being a pauper student abroad in alien world- i just could not afford it. i mean i would be thinking gezillion times if i was in malaysia where medical fees are still tolerable- but in tokyo? i just had to suck it all in until i get back- and that was just the thing i did. SUCKED IT IN...


fast-forward.....it took me years to overcome the phobia of my sprained thumb, and never did resume back to my little habit of 'cracking my knuckles until it made popped sound' to this day. i am so scared and worried i might broken the already injured thumb (of course i still do that habit with the other fingers exception only apply to my right thumb)


and just after i thought that injured thumb already healed at least tendonly, it made its haunting comeback this past few weeks and getting painful since 2 days ago! i reckon i must have pressured it so bad with all the housework (note: i DO clean the house on a regular basis despite my parents and siblings claim that i am lazy bone-because i like it specking clean to ensure it is lizards-free or lizards-less-zone as i am terrified with that creature!yuuck)


I just so want this thumb to be restored back to its normal state and having this pain make me realise how much worth any of our body parts to us. i mean i am a right-handed person, and any injuries that would cost less efficiency with that limb, will cause me a great deal of hopelessness.


Now with this aching thumb, i could not lift anything without having myself screaming 'ouch' and sometime even caused me teary eyed. and being a wimpy wuss like in front of my toddler does not earn much sympathy from her instead she will scream herself back in my face and say "tak payahhhh" or "tak nakkkk" ....and what irony is this, now i have this pain back in the thumb back in my life when i have no medical benefits to cover the costs as i am again a student, a pauper student that lives out of the mercy of certain financial staffs' efficiency to do the audit and paper work ensuring the scholarships payment be made on time every 3 months!


Sordid me. again.

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