Thursday, December 3, 2009

Inspired,lazying and everything in between

1. berhabuk. period. i been neglecting this blog for many reasons. mainly laziness. partly super busy parent. and the rest, working my butts off for monthly salary.

2. sometimes feel so demotivated. wait can't be spoiling off stuffs about shigoto, 'they' 'crucified' me for that. how injustice can this shigoto of mine be? ruthless sometimes. what is wrong for pouring out your feelings, however ill it may be. i was misunderstood for that. and the result is this new site. Aku tak pernah lupa, walaupun Dr M kata Melayu Mudah Lupa, tapi aku tidak, adakah itu bermakna aku bukan melayu? Memang aku mix! LOL! betul pe, mix, XX+XY=me!

3. my bundle of joy is growing. before i was worried sick she couldn't turn herself over and lie face down (meniarap) paranoid would be the perfect way to describe my feelings. alhamdulillah she finally did what i had always hoping she would be doing at about 4 months though just a month overdue. good girl. now it seems that's her favorite sleeping position, though i'm always on look out and (again) worried sick if she suffocates. (god forbid, ameen)

4. i started to blog (previous site) using blogdrive. that was ages ago. was entitled "Dear Diary Me" lame i know. lol! was inspired by the Allahyarhamah Yasmin Ahmad's blog actually. Back then, it was not a phenomenon. No one blog, even Tun M.

5. Mainly i wrote about my feelings. The usuals pouring out (as i'm one of those miss pms) emotional tak hengat. I wrote about everything that comes to my mind, recording daily happenings (though not consistently)

6. That time, the most popular networking site was MS and FS. walaupun aku sudah membuka akaun FB tetapi tidak aktif, sebab takde kawan yang pakai FB. sekarang, MS, FS dan segala macam jadah lagi semua dah berabuk. walaupun masih logging sesekali sebab aku pakai same pword for everything (g, bukak pekung for hackers don't i?) Selain networking site, apa saja jadah akaun (free hosting) aku sign-up. Sampaikan seorang kawan aka flirty2 aku pernah mengomen , 'gosh you're everywhere on the net babe! cyberspace is you, you is cyberspace' ok, the latter is a spiced up line LOl! serious googled me up with my infamous nick and you'll sure link to me.

7. Those were the times when I always send e-cards to friends, ehem-ehem and etc. LOL

8. AND internet jugaklah buat aku mengenal ehem-ehem #1, mendekatkan aku dengan ehem-ehem #2, saksi PJJ ehem-ehem #3, mengintimkan ehem-ehem #4 dan yang paling hakiki hingga kini.

9. Don't get me wrong bukan nak ngungkit sejarah. just merely reminiscing the past. and learning from it. jadikan teladan gitu for future reference if neccessary.

10. Now that blogging, FB and everything else a hip, trendy thing, I kinda slowed down the pace (walaupun kekadang sampai tahap hibernasi) sebab? rujuk 1 & 2

11. Tetapi sebenar-benarnya sebab UTAMA aku memblog dari dahulu lagi, kerana aku suka meraban, menulis. And i force myself to do so in Eigo-English. Reason being, to brush up the lingo.

12. Never crossed my mind the intention to write in English for other reasons that stated at #11. Not wanting to prove anything to anyone.

13. Looking back, me reckon my skills (if any) have somewhat deteriorated. Significantly so right about when i started my current shigoto.

14. Brings me back to reason of misundertanding and the nature of that kashain. period.

15. I'm still longing for that dream. Reaching out for that star. Bukan tak berusaha, probably not enough or the time hasn't come for me yet. Could it be that Allah is testing me?

16. One of the dreams is to pursue MA. sponsored preferrably. GOT so close. the most bizarre thing about it, the 2 chances that came to me the same time i was heavily pregnant. Went to the interviews with loose shirt for crying out loud. GUESS i scared them off with that image. Why would they want to sponsored married women + new mother to be for MA? too complicated. Or is it fate? takde rezeki ada yang bersuara...entahlah.

17. which brings me to a state of regrets. (walaupun tak baik) why did i settle down in the first place? and then this new responsibility to carry. i broke down. tapi tak sampai meroyan. conclusion= part of baby blues.

18. i won't stop trying. for both shigoto and that benkyo shimasho thingy.

19. i GOT a place. not what i dream of though. nontheless a start to something. I had wanted it quite badly. BUT was so discouraged upon finding out the fee that would cost me an arm and a leg. (kalaupun laku duh!)

20. baru local uni. inilah 'pembunuh' impian manusia seperti aku. yang punya cita-cita,iltizam, semangat,keupayaan otak untuk memperkasakan diri, memperluaskan ilmu tetapi mati setakat itu kerana kekangan DUIT!

2 comments:

mizzyN said...

bertemu kite pula di alam blog, yihaaa.

mizzyN said...
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